Him

I’ve never been more lost. She’s only here for the weekend. What if she’s just looking for a distraction? When she walked into the room I wondered if she could feel me stare. She’s sitting so far away from me. Maybe I should put my arm on the back of the couch. It’s like I’m asking for her to move closer. I want her to move closer. She has a pretty smile. I wonder if she means it. I’m not convinced she does. Maybe she wants to. She’s compelling, how does she do that? I’ve never been exposed to someone so captivating. She’s going to figure me out. I hope she doesn’t notice I’m starring. Maybe I should just watch from the corner of my eye. She’s beautiful. I just sit there watching her. She makes funny faces when she’s thinking. She hums to herself when she eats. She glides when she walks across a room. It’s like she knows where she’s going. I have to go outside. I should turn to my side as I walk down the stairs so I can keep watching her. I see her through the flicker of my lighter as I light my cigarette. I need the smoke to clear so I can see her face again. It’s been too long. She’s perfection. I’m just a lost kid. What could I possibly offer her? I don’t stand a chance. She caught me staring. She slowly looked up and discovered my eyes. Holy shit. She has to feel that. We just stopped time. I can’t control my urge to touch her. I have to know what she feels like. She’s the epitome of glory. . I finally caved into my urge to touch her and once I did, I couldn’t stop. Her soft skin feels too good beneath my fingers. As we lay here completely immersed within each other. I have to leave but I don’t want to move. As soon as we do the truth will come out. As soon as we do this transcendental moment will be undone and reality will there to mock us like a jackal in the night. She wraps her leg further around me and I squeeze her as hard as I can. I close my eyes to breathe her. To remember everything as realistically as possible, I need to document her scent, the moles on her face, and the pattern of her breath. Everything is going to end as soon as we get up. As soon as we get up everything I ever thought was possible in happiness will be taken away from me with the rudest of gestures.